A pirates tale from the eyes of a land lubber, or oh to be bludgeoned to death.

The high seas. The Caribbean high seas to be exact. The Caribbean high seas on the Carnival Cruise Line VICTORY to be utterly precise (and our main goal here at Wumpus Central is precision and factuality. Two! Our two main goals here at Wumpus Central are precision and factuality and those roundish hats with the propellers that go whhhr).

Aye! The Caribbean high seas on the Carnival Cruise Line VICTORY are or is no place for a man without guts and however you spell hootspa! For if ye be not careful and on yer guard all yer worldly belongings might as well be a memory of old, long lost to the senses of yer time tattered mind. And if ye be so lucky to be granted passage aaarrrrgggggh ye might want to aaaarrrrrggghhh!

First things first I had a great time. On about the fourth day, I was laying on the deck and I felt my entire skull downshift. At that point I had given up hope of ever seeing my luggage again (which I have in my possession now) and gave in to the fact that, despite the overwhelming efforts of the Canival Cruise Line corporation, I was surrounded by the most singularly awe inspiring thing (besides outer space itself) that I can imagine. An Ocean. The Atlantic Ocean to be ....blah blah blah. The ocean and the islands were the high points. The Las Vegas air and fuck you pooey pooey attitude of Carnival Cruise Line corporation of planet we sure would like to give Mickey a rim job were the bum notes. "We've already got your fucking money, go ahead and swim home if it'll make you happy."

The islands:
1. San Juan, Puerto Rico
A pretty cool place in a garbage stacked on the curbs sort of way. I give it 2 out of 4 coastlines.

2. St. Martin or Sint Maarten
A beautiful island. We took a bus tour that went all the way around the island and stopped at the Marigot Butterfly Farm where we fed butterflies rum and juice off our fingers and drank rum and juice ourselves. We picked up some rum and hot sauce from St. Martin which is part of the US Virgin Islands. I give it 3 out of 4 coastlines.

3. St. Thomas (also a US Virgin Island)
The most beautiful island of the three we saw. Here we went snorkeling and took lots of pictures of the local flavor. Snorkeling with Sidney was probably the best part of the whole experience. I give St. Thomas a perfect 4 out of 4 coastlines.

New Years Eve on a big ship was fairly interesting. I smoked a Cuban cigar and watched a reggae band from one of the upper decks.

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